Apilt

Identity of self

apiltpoe-admin — Sun, 08 Jun 2014 03:40:26 +0000

The continuous battle of long-term vs short
I find myself second guessing you
There always seems to be something that isn’t going the way you want it to
How in the hell am I supposed to know you?
When you don’t even know yourself
I can love you for years but
You always second guess your love for yourself
I find myself questioning you
Why do you want to be the superhero and nothing else?
Always trying to prove how you can do so much
And yet I only see the results of so little
Are you scared to accept the fact that you can only do many parts in little?
Are you so afraid of being mediocre that your attempts at being extraordinary begin to prove how you are only mediocre
You know
There is beauty in being mediocre
But I guess for you it can only be seen when mediocre is visited
The fact that you live it makes you livid
And your lack of discipline makes you seem even more stupid
But then again, who am I
But a lowly poet in this world
I’m able to view and tell all the stories but
I can never save your world

Thoughts

apiltpoe-admin — Tue, 03 Jun 2014 02:26:37 +0000

I am afraid that you’ll find me prematurely
and fall in love with the person that I do not want to be
I understand that you are mine for the taking
But it would be the most selfish thing for me to take you now
You deserve a woman who has it fully together
A woman that is ready to give 100 percent
Willing to be in the relationship that you deserve
How could I be the one to be your 20 when I was made to be your 80
I would rather stay alone
And work towards being the woman that you deserve
Instead of being with you
And praying that I can get it together in time to keep you
Maybe one day soon
God will bless me with the privilege to meet you

Nature’s Scene

apiltpoe-admin — Sun, 01 Jun 2014 14:32:21 +0000

I just want to fall back into your arms
Look up at the night sky
And count the stars with you forever
Let our breath be the only music to the air around us
The earth is our mattress
Our hair are our pillows
Our blanket is the smoke blowing from the wood of our campfire
And the sounds of nature are the soundtrack
To this movie that shall remain to be
One of the best nights
And the grandest of memories

Scared

apiltpoe-admin — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 22:43:27 +0000

You only remind me of what could be
What should be
And what wouldn’t be
With you I can look back and am only reminded of every mistake I have ever made
Every good thing that I can see that came from it is something that I will never give back to you
On some level
I think I almost fell in love with you
But I fought the feeling
My body wanted happily ever after
But deep in the depths of my heart I knew it wasn’t supposed to be with you
I wasn’t ready to have my first love heart attack
I wasn’t ready to die in my single form and be forever committed to the asylum of relationships
I did not want you to be my version of Jay-Z
Me be your Beyoncé crazy in love when I’m with you
And just plain crazy when I’m not
I was not willing to give in
On some level
I think you may have wanted me to be crazy over you
I didn’t realize how scared I was until it was too late
To pretend to give it all, or nothing
I didn’t realize how strong I was
Until I realized that
I can choose to be in love on purpose
I didn’t have to be clumsy and fall
I can willingly jump into the abyss instead of tripping over and screaming all the way down the rabbits hole
Some how ending up in Wonderland and hoping that I could fight the Jabberwocky without my Prince Charming
He’ll show up when he’s ready
(Yes, I still believe the fairy tale bullshit of Disney)
On some level
I enjoy being single
Free to work on myself and make sure that I am ready
To be all
Or nothing
100
Or 0
I never wanted him to be my superhero
I just want him to be human
Just short of perfection
Just
Like me

Just Me

apiltpoe-admin — Wed, 26 Mar 2014 12:56:05 +0000

I’m the one that’s won

I’m the one that’s lost

The girl who only wants to become the woman that she’s imagined being

Anything other than that would be a failure

Completely

apiltpoe-admin — Fri, 30 Aug 2013 00:41:56 +0000

I poured my self out for you
You begged me to write a poem
And per your several requests
I allowed myself to melt into words
Told AT&T to encrypt it for you to
Unveil the meaning on the other end
I didn’t think to make a copy of it
Since sharing it with the world would be a violation
And if she ever read those words
It would be an exposure of you
So I decided
Whenever blackberry wanted that BBM to be no longer
My feelings would go along with it
Even when I knew everything
For what it was
And no matter how many times I threw it to the stage that blackberry never broke
It still powered up as if somehow
Deep within its lights and clicks
There would be evidence on this earth
That the heart still beats
And its chirps and sounds would somehow transmit a message to God
That there was still hope for me
She is still capable to love something
Although she still tries to resist giving in
Completely

Trayvon Martin

apiltpoe-admin — Sun, 14 Jul 2013 00:44:10 +0000

They showed his body

His eyes

Still partially opened as though God was the first person that his soul saw

After his body saw the earthly devil that had come after him

His mouth

Still opened as though with his last breath he asked why

Jeantel did not go to the wake because she didn’t want to see his dead body

So MSNBC decided to plaster it moments after death on national television

This was not okay

“Why are you Following me for?”

A question that was never answered directly instead

“What you doing around here?’

As though a black man can’t be in a neighborhood without an intention to commit a crime

Profiled

Since other stupid mutha fuckas ran up through this neighborhood this one is another one coming my home to boost

Profiled

He looks just like the other ones and gotta save my loot

Profiled

He shouldn’t be here

And instead of answering his question

I’ll reply with one of my own

He attacked me

And I had to defend myself

I plead NOT GUILTY it was only

SELF DEFENSE?

Profiled

Pictures are worth a thousand words

And the fact that MSNBC decided to show

MY BROTHER’S DEAD BODY

ON NATIONAL TELEVISION

Says it all

This may not be about race

But it for DAMN SURE is about a CHILD who is

GONE

His Dead Body being plastered across the country

And EMMET TILL re-incarnated has been flashed before BLACK PEOPLES EYES

THIS was un-acceptable

A CHILD HAS DIED

HE WAS ALMOST HOME

And this is a testament that even when you are feet away from your home

You still aren’t safe

And if you blast off gun shots as a warning in your home

You get 20 behind bars

Because if you’re are ever ahead of them

The world isn’t safe

This may not be about race

But unfortunately it plays a role in this case

He was

PROFILED

Your bullet took his earthly life

And decided that there was a sensible justification for it

You would have been safer behind bars

Because ahead of them

You just ended up on the list right after Casey Anthony

And your handy work has been plastered for all of the world to see

Ladies and Gentlemen I would like to present to the court

Evidence piece #6

And if you zoom in to his head you will see that his eyes are not even yet closed

Like they are still waiting for the man who caused for there final setting to take place

To look at them and answer his final question in life that his ears can’t hear

But open mouth will be able to take in so that his eyes can finally roll to the back

And read the words imprinted on the inside of his head

Uncoded

apiltpoe-admin — Wed, 28 Nov 2012 20:25:47 +0000

As my mind slips into a trance

I can only find my self thinking if he too

Has been locked in the same complexing world as me

Our worlds could never be further apart

But yet our drinks could never be more similar

When he prefers his Hennessy

I prefer my Crown (with lemon)

When he prefers his coffee

I prefer my tea (with lemon)

He cant help but be straight up with me

But I always need a chaser

Expressing true emotions is not my strong point

I’d rather give you codes

My poetry can only let you know the part that I’m willing to tell the world

If you ever wanted to know the full story…..

You will have break through security

This task is not easy

For most its way too time consuming

Only if you demonstrate true interest will you ever know

Cause that is a side of me that I am not always willing to show

So being straight up with you is something that I can’t always do

And there will only be a few moments when I actually decide not to be coded with you.

Mindset: Homeless

apiltpoe-admin — Sun, 25 Nov 2012 00:35:29 +0000

They gave you a sick body
Riddled with disappointment and heartache
Clothed you with dirt and sprayed you with stinky cologne
Gave you a sign with a foreign language and sent you on your way
You have become the example of a newborn occupation
Survival
Your payment is not with currency but instead
Just another day of living
Avoided
As if one look from you to another human being means
The transmission of HIV
Less than a 5 foot space between
You and another would mean your misfortune
Passing on in a matter of seconds
Life could never have mistaken you so badly with any other task
To be proof
That there is truly no worse feeling than that
Of being rejected for surviving
You walk the streets
Hoping for a helping hand but instead you are
Issued tickets of ridicule from others
Turned away from a place of business for lack of experience
You can only afford to scavenge your way from day to day
Pitied
As though your life can be described as nothing more than a disgrace
You have passed the biggest test that life could throw at you by refusing to die
You never gave up on this world
Decided that if no one could do it for you
You would at least find the person that would be willing to help
Walk every square mile of every square city
Knock on every shelter door
Walk in every church
Determination could not have found a better spokesperson
You found your chance
Took advantage of opportunity when it struck
And changed your life forever
Now no longer homeless
You found your way and always looked for the next one like you
Not willing to give up
Not willing to accept defeat at any cost

A Poet’s Dream

apiltpoe-admin — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 02:27:59 +0000

I had a dream last night

I actually had a chance to find out who you were

Without the mic

And the facade

Just you

The one who actually wrote the music

Is it really you that I hear

Or are you the type that writes what you think is cool

I dreamt I actually had a writers session with you

That turned into a cypher

That turned into a listening party

And then all three became one

I dream about you

I listen to you everyday

But I want to know the person that inspired you

Common told me God

I wonder if its the same for you

I dreamt I actually got to interview you

Not for a magazine

A newspaper

A TV show

Or even the radio

But just for me

I actually had the opportunity to figure out what makes you

You

I got to have a real conversation with you

And felt like I could connect with your art even more

Because of God’s blessing

To let me know more about you

Without the internet

Or Wikipedia

Without all the other different forms of media

I got to know you

From you

And I could tell just from the way you talked

Everything I learned was 100% true

Last night I had a dream about you

And I can’t help but wonder if one day

It could ever be

A dream come true